The above pictures of some of my before photos
The below pictures are more recent
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Small world....
I have been teaching on and off for many years along with doing some real estate from time to time. I teach pre-k, which are 4 and 5 year olds and really love what I do! After taking the summer off I started a new position. At this stage in my life I feel so blessed to only have to work part-time and as a result don't feel the burn-out that tends to happen in this field.
So last week I was approached by one of the parents of the children in my room. She told me she had read my blog! I was so surprised! If you have followed my blog you know that I have not shared my surgeries with a lot of people. By no means am I embarrassed by my choice I just don't feel the need to tell everyone in my life. Getting back to this mom, she was so incredibly nice when she approached me and was sharing a little bit about her own experiences. I am hoping to get together with her some day soon so we can talk more.
You know my whole purpose for doing this in the first place was to share my experience so pre-op people who are looking into weightloss surgery or post-ops who are struggling and may be thinking of a revision can hopefully gain some insight into everything that goes on. I often wonder if people do read my blog and if I am helping in any way. When I first started this journey a few years back I didn't have an opportunity to speak to someone who had surgery or to read about someone else's experiences. I do hope that those of you who happen to read this have been able to at least find some of what I have shared to be helpful!! I am always happen to respond to your questions so feel free to email me if you'd like!!
Warm regards,
Jenn
So last week I was approached by one of the parents of the children in my room. She told me she had read my blog! I was so surprised! If you have followed my blog you know that I have not shared my surgeries with a lot of people. By no means am I embarrassed by my choice I just don't feel the need to tell everyone in my life. Getting back to this mom, she was so incredibly nice when she approached me and was sharing a little bit about her own experiences. I am hoping to get together with her some day soon so we can talk more.
You know my whole purpose for doing this in the first place was to share my experience so pre-op people who are looking into weightloss surgery or post-ops who are struggling and may be thinking of a revision can hopefully gain some insight into everything that goes on. I often wonder if people do read my blog and if I am helping in any way. When I first started this journey a few years back I didn't have an opportunity to speak to someone who had surgery or to read about someone else's experiences. I do hope that those of you who happen to read this have been able to at least find some of what I have shared to be helpful!! I am always happen to respond to your questions so feel free to email me if you'd like!!
Warm regards,
Jenn
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Almost 2 years since last revision...
First of all, I apologize for not posting often. When I originally started this blog my intention was to commit to writing at least one entry a week and to be completely honest about my journey, the good, bad, the ugly and everything in-between. Clearly that has not happened but at least I'm here now. So, where shall I begin?? Well, I feel like so much has happened since I last posted in February. At crazy as it sounds I'm still adjusting to life as a smaller person. The other day I was walking into a store and I saw my reflection in the window. It took me a second to realize it was me I was seeing. Even now I still see the old me. People who haven't seen me react in a way that is almost embarrassing to me, especially in public. I find myself shying away from the compliments and questions about my weightloss. Even after all of this time, I have been very selective as to who I have told about the surgery. I just didn't want to deal with other people's expectation of how much weight they think I should've lost or people watching what I eat. This is a very personal decision that we all make. Some tell everyone, and others like myself chose not to.
I am struggling a bit with my body these days. I didn't think this would happen to me but I have a lot of loose skin especially under my arms. The strange thing is this didn't happen until I recently lost more weight. It is embarrassing when I wear short sleeves because the skin just seems to hang there. My stomach and boobs don't bother me because nobody sees those areas and a great bra does wonders. My husband has always loved my body and he is the only one who sees it anyway. I have thought about seeing a plastic surgeon about skin removal but I'm going to try working out with a trainer to see if that will help. I also struggle with clothes. I have gone down from a 22/24 to a size 12/14. I was wearing my larger clothing for a long time and finally packed most of it up and passed it on. When I buy new clothes I still tend to buy the larger sizes because as I mentioned above, I still the heavy person I use to be. To those of you who haven't heard surgery yet you may think this sounds silly but it is something a lot of post-ops deal with. It is frustrating and very emotional.
I wish I could tell you all that this has been easy but I'm not going to. Even after all of this time I face challenges, most of them are emotional. Do I think the surgery was successful?? I guess that depends on what success really means. Am I healthier? Absolutely!! Do I look better physically? I would so say! Do I still have food issues? With a doubt!! Do I have a better quality of life?? Yes in deed!! I also have an overwhelming fear of gaining all of the weight back. I have seen a few close friends who have lost 150 - 200 pounds gain it all back and then some. It does scare me. I can see how it happens. The old habits don't go away, they are always there. I honestly believe it comes down to having a great support system. Trust me, I get tempted by foods I know I shouldn't eat. I don't deprive myself however I have really learned to eat for nourishment and to stop eating as soon as I'm beginning to feel full. I never finish all of the food on my plate just because it's there. This isn't always easy but I feel so much healthier when my stomach isn't full.
In closing, if you have read my previous posts you know I have never really focused on the amount of weight I have lost. I didn't want to become obsessed with the number and always felt getting healthy was the real goal. I have had many ask me the total so here goes. I had my yearly physical last week. I started seeing my primary care doctor right around the time I was considering my very first surgery in 2006. My highest weight on record there was 277. Last week the scale read 160. Now, this weightloss has really been over a few years. I didn't lose it overnight even after my revision from lapband to bypass. It has been an incredibly slow process for me. I have gone through stages where I haven't lost a pound in 6 months and then I started losing again. I am okay with this. If I don't lose another ounce, I'd be perfectly fine with it. As far as I'm concerned, I reached my goal of being healthier.
Thanks for taking the time to read! As always, I am always happy to answer questions!!
Jenn
I am struggling a bit with my body these days. I didn't think this would happen to me but I have a lot of loose skin especially under my arms. The strange thing is this didn't happen until I recently lost more weight. It is embarrassing when I wear short sleeves because the skin just seems to hang there. My stomach and boobs don't bother me because nobody sees those areas and a great bra does wonders. My husband has always loved my body and he is the only one who sees it anyway. I have thought about seeing a plastic surgeon about skin removal but I'm going to try working out with a trainer to see if that will help. I also struggle with clothes. I have gone down from a 22/24 to a size 12/14. I was wearing my larger clothing for a long time and finally packed most of it up and passed it on. When I buy new clothes I still tend to buy the larger sizes because as I mentioned above, I still the heavy person I use to be. To those of you who haven't heard surgery yet you may think this sounds silly but it is something a lot of post-ops deal with. It is frustrating and very emotional.
I wish I could tell you all that this has been easy but I'm not going to. Even after all of this time I face challenges, most of them are emotional. Do I think the surgery was successful?? I guess that depends on what success really means. Am I healthier? Absolutely!! Do I look better physically? I would so say! Do I still have food issues? With a doubt!! Do I have a better quality of life?? Yes in deed!! I also have an overwhelming fear of gaining all of the weight back. I have seen a few close friends who have lost 150 - 200 pounds gain it all back and then some. It does scare me. I can see how it happens. The old habits don't go away, they are always there. I honestly believe it comes down to having a great support system. Trust me, I get tempted by foods I know I shouldn't eat. I don't deprive myself however I have really learned to eat for nourishment and to stop eating as soon as I'm beginning to feel full. I never finish all of the food on my plate just because it's there. This isn't always easy but I feel so much healthier when my stomach isn't full.
In closing, if you have read my previous posts you know I have never really focused on the amount of weight I have lost. I didn't want to become obsessed with the number and always felt getting healthy was the real goal. I have had many ask me the total so here goes. I had my yearly physical last week. I started seeing my primary care doctor right around the time I was considering my very first surgery in 2006. My highest weight on record there was 277. Last week the scale read 160. Now, this weightloss has really been over a few years. I didn't lose it overnight even after my revision from lapband to bypass. It has been an incredibly slow process for me. I have gone through stages where I haven't lost a pound in 6 months and then I started losing again. I am okay with this. If I don't lose another ounce, I'd be perfectly fine with it. As far as I'm concerned, I reached my goal of being healthier.
Thanks for taking the time to read! As always, I am always happy to answer questions!!
Jenn
Saturday, February 18, 2012
4 1/2 years and 3 surgeries later
It has been quite a long time since my last post. I would love to say that all is well but that wouldn't be totally true. Okay so here's the good; I am down about 90 something pounds from my all time high. I can go to my closet and pretty much wear anything I have without having to worry about how it's going to fit. People treat me with much more respect without ignoring me and as a result I feel less invisible.The bad; I am still trying to find myself. When I look in the mirror I still see a very overweight and unhealthy person. I don't like the attention that I now receive and I'm incredibly uncomfortable when people talk about my weight loss. Do I think I made a mistake? No, not necessarily, however this process is life changing and, at least for me, hasn't gotten any easier. I am really fortunate that I have such an amazing husband but I find him "showing" me off lately.
You're probably wondering why this bothers me. It's hard to put in words but in a strange way my feelings are hurt. I am still the same exact person on the inside and I wonder if he was embarrassed of me before. I have asked him this and he says that he has always loved me no matter my size. Although I don't doubt that, I do think there was a part of him that was a little bit embarrassed. At this point I am in a very strange and difficult place in this journey. I am in the process of getting back into therapy so I can deal with this issues.
On another note, TLC has a new show called, "My 600 pound life". If you have not seen this show, I strongly recommend it. It's a series that follows people who have had gastric bypass over a 7 year period. Now granted these people are severely obese, the emotions and challenges are very real. I have watched all three episodes and have found myself crying each and every time. So amazingly powerful and real. I think anyone considering any type of surgery should watch this show.
In closing, I know it has been an incredibly long time since my last post. As I stated before, I am just in a very difficult place right now. I know this will all turn out okay in the long run but for the time being, I am just taking it one day at a time!!!
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