The Dreaded Holiday Season....

Once again we're heading into the holiday season. I refer to it as "dreaded" of course because of the food and endless opportunities to stuff ourselves. The stores have been selling halloween candy since the beginning of September. I have been tempted on many occasions to buy a bag of reese's peanut butter cups.Crazy right? Not so much. Surgery has helped me with developing a healthier life style but old habits die hard. Surgery didn't take away my sweet tooth or my urge to eat things just because they're available. This is a work in progress and will be something I will have to work on for a very long time. Has it become easier? Sure it has, but it didn't happen over night. I don't think about food 24 hours a day anymore and I'm able to make better choices but I'm human and I make mistakes and poor choices every now and then. The difference is I don't let one mistake become two, or three. I don't allow one bad food choice to throw me off for the whole day. You know what I'm talking about. We're all guilty of starting the day off with the best of intentions and then having a screw up. Maybe it's a piece of candy, a donut, whatever. We then give ourselves permission to eat that way for the rest of the day promising to start over tomorrow. This is a mindset, one that doesn't change because of surgery. It is hard work but well worth it in the long run.

As Halloween and the other holidays approach I am trying to mentally prepare myself for how I'm going to handle the candy, desserts, and endless amounts of food that I will be exposed to. I refuse to deprive myself, however, I am making a huge effort to be prepared. Planning is huge after weightloss surgery, anyone who has had it will tell you. For Halloween I will purchase a small package of the candy I like and put it in the freezer. When I have the urge to have some chocolate it will be there waiting for me. The fact that it is frozen will make it last longer. I will eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day but I will pass on the stuffing. Extra veggies will fill me up too. If I have dessert, I always split it with my husband. This allows me to have some but keeps me from over doing it. The same for Christmas, moderation and healthy choices are key. If I'm worried about over eating I will have a small piece of fruit or cut up veggies about an hour before dinner. This usually keeps me satisfied and makes it easier not too overeat!

I wish you all a healthy and happy halloween.

Warm regards,
Jenn

I'm back!!!

I'm sorry that it has been such a long time since my last update. So much has happened in my life. First things first, my love/hate relationship continues with my band. One would think I would've mastered this by now but I haven't! I have 1cc in my band and that's where I will stay. I had a pretty decent summer with my band without needing to be unfilled. I still vomit at least 4 times a week because of something getting stuck but I can deal with that. My frustration lies with my slow weightloss. I have included walking into my life on a regular basis which has made a huge difference with how I feel but my weightloss continues to creep at an incredibly slow rate. I had a physical a few weeks ago and talked to my doctor about all of this. She asked me to keep a log of what I was eating and keep a total of my daily calories. I've never been good at keeping a food log but I knew this was a reason behind this. On the first day I had a total of 700 calories, the second day was around 600, the third was a little shy of 800 calories. I haven't had a single day above 850. I had another appointment with her the other day and she said this is why my weightloss is so slow, I'm not eating enough. This has been a problem for me for months now and it's so frustrating. I'm working on it but it hasn't been easy.

I know I have said this previously but if you take nothing else away from what I say, please take this seriously! This surgery is not easy and will not change your life over night. December will be two years since I had my surgery and I still face challenges. Don't get me wrong, I have come a very long way and really have developed a much healthier lifestyle, one that I wouldn't have been able to achieve on my own. Socially though, this has impacted my life in a much differant way. I no longer enjoy eating out because I either leave too much food on my plate which prompts the server to ask me a million times if something is wrong with my food or I can't decide what to eat for fear of something getting stuck. I have noticed some of my friends treating me differantly as well. One recently asked me how my weight I lost because she couldn't tell since I was sitting down.

Tonight I am going to the support group meeting. I haven't been in quite some time. I am looking forward to seeing some of my old friends as well as meeting some new people who are either considering this surgery or who are post-op. I think we all have so much to learn from each other. I promise I will write again soon!!!

Warm regards!!!
Jenn

Life without a fill.....

It has been over a month since I had the fluid removed from my band and I'm struggling. I had an appointment for a fill but I rescheduled. My next appointment is on the 13th.

Even though my band is empty I still have some restriction just not alot. I find myself hungrier more often and I am able to eat more. Finding the balance has been a challenge. I have tempted to eat things that I shouldn't eat and can't eat when I have a fill. It comes down to choices and I'm having a hard time making the right ones.

On a positive note, my weight hasn't changed. I would love to see a loss but I'm happy that I haven't gained. I also just started walking 4 times a week with a friend I went to highschool with. My friend is very motivating and shows up on our walk days. I needed that kind of push. I don't like walking alone and always find an excuse to skip my walk. Now that I have someone who is committed and available to walk with me, it makes it a little easier. I won't lie though, I still have moments where I try to find an excuse not to go but I'm not the kind of person who walks away from a committment that I have made with someone else.

Next Sunday is Easter so I will have to be careful not over do it. My fill is the following day and I will be on liquids the day before. It's probably a good thing though, I won't have to worry about eating too much ham =) I wish you all a Happy Easter. Stay healthy!

Jenn

A few new photos...

I have never been a fan of having my picture taken. Whenever I see a camera I usually go running in the opposite directiion. Last Saturday night Larry and I went out with friends. We had a great time. In fact, it was the first time since my surgery that I felt really confidant. I didn't spend hours looking for something to wear and I didn't stress over how my body looked. I didn't choose the table in the corner where noone would see me. None of this mattered. This night was about going out and having a good time. I feel like I have made so much progress over the past year. It hasn't been easy but I'm so glad that I had my surgery. I have learned so much about myself through all of this and have finally learned to love myself, on the inside and out.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Warmly,
Jenn

Questions about fills....

I have recently been getting a lot of emails asking me if fills hurt so I have decided to answer that question here. I will also explain what some of the common terms relating to the band mean as well.

First of all, my experiences are obviously going to be differant from other people. We all relate to pain on differant levels. I had my first fill about 6 weeks after surgery. Dr. K is my surgeon and he's the one who fills/unfills me when needed. I was really nervous about my first fill because I didn't really know what to expect. With the band you have to be on liquids for at least 24 hours before a fill and 24 hours after a fill. Dr. K was very kind and sensed my anxiety when I went in for my first fill. He explained every thing that he was going to do, step by step. I held my breath as he began my fill. I felt a tiny little stick and then it was over. I was surprised at how easy and painless it was. Dr. K had me sip water and then sent me on my way with instructions. The few other times I had fills they were also pretty painless. I will say I could feel it a little more as I lost weight but nothing significant.

Unfills, for me, are little more uncomfortable. I'm not sure why but I think it's a little harder to remove the fluid than it is to add it. I'm going to ask Dr. K the next time I see him. Whatever the case, don't be afraid to ask questions if you're nervous. The surgeons will take the time to answers your questions and to ease your concerns.

Now, you may have heard terms such as PBing, sliming, and getting stuck. If you have a band already you may know what these terms mean. If not, I'll give you a brief description. PBing is short for productive burp. It happens after you eat something that may be a little stuck. It's your body's way of trying to move it along. In the beginning I PB'd alot. I don't at all anymore because I have learned a lot about how to eat and chew my food. Getting stuck is when you have food that you may not have chewed very well that is too big to pass through your band. This feeling is uncomfortable and sometimes causes you to vomit. My advice to you is to not take another bite of food when you feel pressure. You'll know what I mean when it happens. Also, don't try to drink anything because the fluid has nowhere to go. Think of it as a clogged sink. If the drain is clogged and you turn the water on, the water doesn't have anywhere to go so it comes back up into the sink. It's the same thing. Also, if you have been getting stuck a few times in one day, give your band a rest. Switch over to liquids for at least 24 hours so you won't irritate your pouch. Believe me, I have made that mistake and have paid for it. If you're unable to keep fluids down for 24 hours, call the surgeons office. This is so important. You're pouch is probably irritated and you may need an unfill. You also run the risk of getting dehydrated and that brings on problems that you don't need. Finally, sliming is what you body does when you have food stuck. You automatically start producing more saliva to move the food along. Sometimes this will pass and you'll feel better and other times this may cause you to vomit. The bottom line is to know when to stop eating. Pay attention to how you're feeling. As soon as you feel pressure it's a pretty good indication that you need to stop eating, even if you're dying for one more bite. It's usually that next bite that does it.

I hope I was helpful. As always, feel free to email me if you have any questions. I am always happy to share my experiences especially if it helps someone else..

Regards,
jenn

I need a fill....

It has been a few weeks since I had my band emptied and I'm beginning to struggle. I have been doing well as far as food choices for the most part but I have been very tempted to eat things that I shouldn't. Last night I made Mac & Cheese for my son and his friend. With fluid in my band I can't eat it because it will get stuck but without it I could eat it. I ate a spoonful and it was soooo good. I found myself reaching for a second spoonful and then I stopped. I certainly could have a small bowl and be okay. My problem is that I don't know if I would stop after one bowl. I think I would have enough control to stop but I don't know for sure.

I am hoping to get a fill in the next week or so. I didn't want to rush it because I was having such a hard time before being emptied. I figured I was inflamed so I needed time to let things settle. I am ready now though and can't wait. I find myself getting hungrier much more often and eating larger portions. It reminds me of how much my band really helps when there's fluid.

Well, I'm getting hungry again so I'm going to take my dog for a walk.

Stay healthy!
Jenn

Feeling Better....

I am feeling so much better since my last post. Dr. K completely emptied my band and I felt instant relief. The night before I fantasied about all of the places I was going to go to get drinks after my unfill because I was so thirsty. Larry and Corey couldn't stop laughing at me. My first stop was going to be Wendy's for a strawberry shake, then Dunkin's for a hot chocolate, possibly home for a large glass of O.J and so on. In reality, I drank water and boy did it taste good.

Not to get off topic but a strange thing happened today with my mother. I see her a few times a week in the nursing home. Today she said how beautiful I looked. Now, you might think this is not a big deal but you don't know my mother. She is not one who throws around compliments. I was wearing jeans and my husband's gap sweatshirt, nothing special. She just kept telling me how beautiful I was and then said I lost so much weight. My mother doesn't know that I had weightloss surgery. I didn't tell her because I didn't think she would completely understand especially with her mental illness. I was so surprised by her reaction to me. Lately, people have been complimenty me on my weight. I don't think I have a significant change but because my weightloss has been so gradual I think it's really starting to show. I hate to admit it but I kind of like the compliments. I hope that doesn't make me shallow. It's just nice to hear after the challenges I have faced with my band.

Enough of that... Today is my baby's (he would kill me if he knew I called him that) 14th birthday. I simply cannot believe that Corey is 14, it really seems like yesterday that he was just a little guy happy to hang out with mom. We are going out for his traditional birthday dinner. He gets to chose where we're going. I'm a little nervous because my band is empty. As a result, I can eat a lot more. I'm going to chose my dinner well and plan to start with a nice salad.

Time to go, I hope you all have a healthy and happy night!
Jenn

Did I make a mistake????

I have been having a really hard time with my band over the past few weeks and I'm feeling frustrated to say the least. I seem to have months with little to no problems and then I'm slammed. I have an appointment today to get completely unfilled and I can't wait. I did go into the office last week for an unfill but by the time I saw Dr. K I felt so much better. He called me the night before and told me to take Pepcid. The Pepcid made me feel so much better that we both agreed to leave the fluid in to see what happens. That was on Wednesday. I felt great all that day and stayed on liquids for 24hrs. On Thursday afternoon I transitioned onto soft foods like yogurt. Thursday night was okay but Friday morning I started feeling stuck again. I went right back to liquids and continued to take Pepcid. The weekend seemed to get worse and by last night I was vomitting fluids 1/2 hour after I drank. I called the Dr's office even though it was Sunday because I knew I needed to be unfilled. I think the section above my band is so inflammed and irritated from all of the vomitting that the only way for me to feel any relief is to be empty.

Deep down I know I didn't make a mistake by having this surgery it's just that I'm so tired and incredibly thirsty. Lapband surgery really did save my life. I mean I wasn't at death's door (thank goodness) before surgery but I was heading down a road of distruction that ultimately would've shaved years off of my life. I really am glad that I made the choice to have the surgery in the first place.

I have never been the type of person who preaches but I really have to say something before I go. If you are considering this surgery please be prepared for all aspects, emotionally and physically. There are many people who have surgery and never have a problem and then there are those who face many obstacles. You know yourselves and your bodies better than anyone else. If you have complications, don't wait. Pat says this all the time at the meetings. She knows what she's talking about.

Well, I'm off to my appointment. Wish me luck!!!
Jenn

Dancing Lessons?

Things continue to be a bit hectic in my life. Last week I was having a hard time with my band. Something got stuck and it took a few days before I felt better. I had to go on liquids for two days and then slowly transition to soft foods. Even though I have had my band for a little over a year now it can still be unpredictable. I follow all of the rules but sometimes things happen. My friend Rhonda and I talked about this just the other day. She also has a band and experiences some of the same issues as I do. It just goes to show that this process is not an easy one. I have learned a lot along the way though. If I get stuck with food I have learned what I need to do in order to stay healthy. Okay, that's not really what my post was suppose to be about this morning, I just wanted to share that experience for those who are either thinking about lapband surgery as well as those who may be experiencing the same things.

You probably wondering what my title is all about so I'm going to explain. This morning Larry, my husbnad, shocked the heck out of me. After driving my son to school, he walked into the house and announced that he wanted to take dancing lessons with me. At first I didn't know what he was talking about and I was tempted to laugh at his suggestion. I soon realized that he was serious. He said that as he was driving back home this morning the thought "popped" into his head. I listened as he explained his reasons. Larry told me that he wants to start really enjoying our time together. We have been through a lot in our lives and have overcome many obstacles. Along the way we have neglected ourselves (I'm sure you can all relate!). He told me that I was his best friend (I began to cry at this moment) and that he wants to take the time to do something really special and fun with me. I was speechless. Larry and I have been together for 11 years and married for almost 5. For the most part, we have a wonderful relationship. We have ups and downs like everyone else but we have always been there for each other when it matters most. I was so touch when he said that I was his best friend because it was so sincere and geniune. I told him that I would love to take dance lessons and would start looking for places. My only objection is ballroom dancing because it's too serious for me.

On another note, I am excited to be going to the support group meeting tonight. I haven't been in a few months. I can't wait to see how everyone is doing and I'm looking to forward to seeing some of my friends. I also really enjoy meeting new people, especially those who are in the beginning stages of this journey.

I wish you all a happy and healthy Monday!
Jenn

Wii Fit.....

My Christmas present from my husband was a Wii Fit. I actually got the idea from my friend Rhonda (thanks Rhonda!) when I ran into her at Target a few weeks before Christmas. I told Larry about it and he got it for me, well actually us.

I have to tell you that I LOVE it! The Wii system comes with a free interactive sports game as well. Larry and I have a blast playing tennis and baseball. After Christmas I bought the personal trainer disc for the fit system. It's awesome! I can set my workout for as little as 15 minutes or as long as 75. It's a lot of fun and very easy to follow. The best part is I get to exercise in the privacy of my own home and not have the excuse of the bad weather.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have been struggling with exercising the most in this process. I just couldn't seem to get myself motivated. Could it be this easy? Time will tell.....

Have a great day!
Jenn

Happy New Year!

I would like to take a quick moment to say Happy New year to all. I wish you all a year filled with love, happiness, and health.

Before I begin this blog I wanted to address the comment from my last entry. I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I had my surgery on December 26, 2007. I chose the band because I felt like it was the right surgery for me. It hasn't been easy but I have certainly learned a lot about myself in this process. As far as my total weightloss, I did finally weigh myself and I'm at just about 65 pounds. I feel really good about my progress although I struggled with having realistic expectations. If you decide to go forward with surgery I would just say to make this about you. Try not to let others negatively influence you or talk you out of it. I would go back and do it all over in a heart beat. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best!

Every year since I can remember I have had the same New Year's resolution, "Lose weight and exercise." This year I decided to break the cycle. My new resolution is 3 simple words, "Live, Laugh, Love." Let me explain. I have this amazing friend Val. When I bought my house she lived accross the street with her family. She has a son who is the same age as Corey. Needless to say, we became very close friends as did our boys. Two years ago Val told me that her family was moving out of state because her husband's job was relocating. We were devestated and cried almost everyday until she moved. We vowed to see each other as often as we could. Since then we have seen each as often as possible.

Recently Val's been having some personal problems. She invited Corey and I to visit last week. We jumped at the opportunity. Larry stayed home. Val is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is so kind and never, I mean never, has a mean thing to say about anyone. She always looks for the good in everyone. Anyway, we had the best time. I haven't "lived, laughed, or loved" like that in so long. We talked all night long, watched movies, and she even taught me how to knit. Being there with Val reminded me how good it feels to be happy, really, truely happy. We are already planning our next visit in February.

This year I made a vow to myself. I vow to live my life to the fullest and appreciate the little things. I also vow to laugh and laugh often. Life is too short and I'm tired of getting caught up in the negative things. Finally, I vow to love, especially myself. I vow to love myself for who I am and to accept myself as I am.

I challenge you all to "Live, Laugh, and Love" more in your lives this year.

Jenn