My husband Larry and I currently own a small business. Larry has always been in sales and has an amazing work ethic. He works hard and complains very little. In my past life, I was a preschool teacher. I love children so it was very natural for me to take on that role. My education is all based on Early Childhood Education. Last summer Larry decided to renew his real estate license so he could sell real estate part time. I signed on as his Adman, in other words, his assistant. I'm incredibly self conscious so I was happy to take on a behind the scenes role. I couldn't imagine myself selling real estate, who would want to buy a house from someone like me? Well, along the way, I discovered that I really love real estate. I enrolled in a real estate licensing class on Feb. 11th and took the test on March 26th. I was surprised that I actually passed the test because it was incredibly difficult.
I would never have had the courage to take this chance in the past. People are so judgemental and I've become accustomed to either being ignored or treated like I was worthless. I know that I deserve so much better than that. I've come to the conclusion that if someone has a problem with me, it's their problem, not mine!
Yesterday I signed my first buyer's contract!!! It has given me such a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I know my new career holds challenges and I don't expect it to be easy but I'm so proud of myself for having the strength and courage to step outside of my comfort zone to take a chance. This is just the beginning!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Four Months Later......
I had lapband surgery almost four months ago. As of this morning, I have lost 34 1/2 pounds! It works out to be about a little more than 2 pds. a week. It has been a slow but gradual process. 2 pds. a week doesn't seem like much especially in the beginning. I'm the type of person who needs to see instant results in order to stay motivated. I developed an obsession with the scale and weighing myself. I actually have two scales in my bathroom, ridiculous right? I have recently realized that my obsession is actually fear, fear of failure. I have lost and gained weight so many times in my life, how do I know this won't happen again?
My life really has changed since I had surgery. Unlike "diets" I have attempted in the past, having lapband has really challenged me on so many levels. I constantly have to think about what I'm going to eat and I have to chew, chew, chew or I will get sick. Going out to eat is not what it use to be either. I have a hard time eating things that I have always loved such as pasta, rice, and bread and I'm tired of explaining to the waitress that the food is great but I'm full when there's still a whole plate of food left. On a positive note, I am learning how to develop a healthy relationship with food. Really, I am learning how to eat for nourishment and not so much for comfort. It hasn't been easy but I'm beginning to find positive ways to manage my stress without reaching for a handful of something to eat to make me feel better. I never thought the day would come when I could eat a small portion of food and be satisfied. I feel great when I look at the plate, especially at a restaurant, and there's still a huge portion left.
This morning I have decided to put things into perspective and to celebrate my success. I would never have been able to lose 34 1/2 pounds without my lapband. I know I will continue to face challenges and obstacles but I am going to remind myself to live my life one day at a time and appreciate all of the wonderful gifts I am so fortunate to have....
My life really has changed since I had surgery. Unlike "diets" I have attempted in the past, having lapband has really challenged me on so many levels. I constantly have to think about what I'm going to eat and I have to chew, chew, chew or I will get sick. Going out to eat is not what it use to be either. I have a hard time eating things that I have always loved such as pasta, rice, and bread and I'm tired of explaining to the waitress that the food is great but I'm full when there's still a whole plate of food left. On a positive note, I am learning how to develop a healthy relationship with food. Really, I am learning how to eat for nourishment and not so much for comfort. It hasn't been easy but I'm beginning to find positive ways to manage my stress without reaching for a handful of something to eat to make me feel better. I never thought the day would come when I could eat a small portion of food and be satisfied. I feel great when I look at the plate, especially at a restaurant, and there's still a huge portion left.
This morning I have decided to put things into perspective and to celebrate my success. I would never have been able to lose 34 1/2 pounds without my lapband. I know I will continue to face challenges and obstacles but I am going to remind myself to live my life one day at a time and appreciate all of the wonderful gifts I am so fortunate to have....
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Heart and Wellness
I attended my heart and wellness exercise session yesterday morning. It was actually one of the best classes yet for me. Honestly, I have to admit, it's hard to go every Tuesday morning. Once I'm there I'm fine, it's just the act of getting there that can be a challenge. Anyway, I have really taken a liking to the people in my class. They are funny, caring, kind, open, supportive, honest (I could go on and on). It's the only day of the week that I truly feel comfortable in my own skin. Each one of us has our own story and that's what makes it such a great place to be. I look forward to hearing about everyone's progress and the challenges they have overcome.
I'm trying really hard not to get caught up with how much weight I have lost. Generally people who have lapband surgery lose weight at a much slower rate than people who had gastric bypass.I do have my moments where I wish I had bypass instead of lapband because the weight loss is faster but then I remind myself of why I chose lapband in the first place. This really is a long process and it's different for all of us.
After exercise class we had a group discussion with Maureen about changes after weight loss surgery. It was a great discussion and I value and appreciate everyone's willingness to share their experiences along with the support they offer. Of course we all realize that there are the physical changes that take place after surgery but I under estimated the emotional changes that I would go through. I am having a hard time finding myself in this process. Does that make sense? My weight has become part of my identity for a really long time and though it's sounds strange to admit, it has become my security blanket. I also miss the comfort I use to get from overeating even though it was always a temporary fix. I used food for comfort since I was 9 years old. It's really hard to learn how to work through difficult times without looking to food to make me feel better. I'm working hard to get to a good place with all of this and I know it's going to take time. For now, my goal is to take it one step at a time.
I'm trying really hard not to get caught up with how much weight I have lost. Generally people who have lapband surgery lose weight at a much slower rate than people who had gastric bypass.I do have my moments where I wish I had bypass instead of lapband because the weight loss is faster but then I remind myself of why I chose lapband in the first place. This really is a long process and it's different for all of us.
After exercise class we had a group discussion with Maureen about changes after weight loss surgery. It was a great discussion and I value and appreciate everyone's willingness to share their experiences along with the support they offer. Of course we all realize that there are the physical changes that take place after surgery but I under estimated the emotional changes that I would go through. I am having a hard time finding myself in this process. Does that make sense? My weight has become part of my identity for a really long time and though it's sounds strange to admit, it has become my security blanket. I also miss the comfort I use to get from overeating even though it was always a temporary fix. I used food for comfort since I was 9 years old. It's really hard to learn how to work through difficult times without looking to food to make me feel better. I'm working hard to get to a good place with all of this and I know it's going to take time. For now, my goal is to take it one step at a time.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Post-Op Recovery
I was released from the hospital the day after my surgery. Part of me was excited to be leaving and the other part was scared. Surprisingly, I wasn't in a lot of pain. I was uncomfortable but it was totally manageable. My throat was really sore still and I had developed a huge blister on the inside of my mouth. Popsicles became my best friend for the first few days. The first thing I did when I got home was weigh myself. Now why did I do that???? My weight was 264, exactly what it was right before my surgery. I automatically felt defeated which, by the way, was ridiculous. I don't know what I expected to happen when I got on the scale, I guess I was hoping that I would have lost something. When I made the final decision that I was going to have surgery I had realistic expectations. I knew that my weight loss was going to be a very long and slow process. My actions that day would set the tone for the next few months to follow. I knew this was going to be hard but I never imagined the challenges I would encounter along the way.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The best Christmas present ever!
I had lap band surgery on December 26, 2007 at NSMC. The weeks leading up to my surgery proved to be challenging to say the least. When Annie called to give me my surgery date I cried, I really cried. I think it was a combination of things that brought on my emotional state. I attended my first seminar in late August and from that moment on I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was excited, scared, motivated, determined, scared (yes, I said scared twice) and the list goes on. I researched everything I could about the surgery so I really felt well informed about what was going to happen.
I decided that I was only going to tell a few people that I was having weight loss surgery. It’s not that I was ashamed of having the surgery, it was just the decision I made. For the first time in a very long time I was making this about me. My husband has been my biggest supporter and I am so unbelievably grateful for that. Larry supported the surgery from the moment I told him about it. He went to my appointment with my primary care physician, attended the first seminar, and met Dr. Kastrinakis at my surgery consult. I was very impressed with all of the questions he asked. I also decided to tell my 13 year old son (he was 12 at the time) about my decision. Corey’s reaction was incredible. Honestly for a 12 year old boy, he really surprised me. After explaining the surgery to him, Corey gave me a huge hug and said he was proud of me for doing something that would help make me a healthier person. I was touched by his response and so incredibly grateful that this boy was my child.
On the morning of surgery, I kissed my son and gave him a hug. I didn’t say good-bye because that seemed too final for me. I told him that I would see him later when he came to visit me. Corey wished me luck and told me he loved me. I turned my head quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. Larry and I got into the car and headed on our way. Larry kept the conversation light but, to be honest, I really wasn’t listening. I sat silently staring out at the early morning sky. I was calm, excited, scared, and nervous at the same time. I was afraid that if I talked about how I was feeling with Larry, I would lose it and start crying. A few minutes before we reached the hospital I finally spoke my first words since we had been in the car. I told Larry that I loved him and that I was so lucky to have him in my life. I reminded him of my wishes should something happen to me and told him to make sure Corey knew how much I loved him. I didn’t say another word until we arrived at the surgi-center.
It was fairly busy at the surgi-center considering it was only 6:30 am. While I was waiting to check in, I looked at the other people in the waiting room. I was trying to figure out why they were there and I bet they were wondering the same thing about me. After checking in, Larry and I went to a different sitting area. We were the only two there so we watched T.V and read magazines. Larry wanted to stay at the hospital and wait while I was in surgery. I convinced him to leave once I went in. It didn’t make sense for him to sit and wait when he wouldn’t be able to see me until I went to my room anyway.
The nurse finally came out to get me. This was it, I couldn’t believe it! Larry and I hugged and he gave me a quick kiss before I turned to leave. I refused to say goodbye to him so I told him I would see him later. The O.R holding area was pretty quiet. The nurse gave me a johnnie and showed me where to change. One of the O.R nurses sat on the edge of my bed for a few minutes to watch Ellen with me. It was pretty cool and although this might sound strange, it made me feel important.
The anesthesiologist came in soon after and got me ready for surgery. Dr. K stopped in and asked me if I had any questions and when I couldn’t think of any, I was wheeled into surgery.
Surgery was over before I knew it. I felt like I had just closed my eyes and someone was telling me that I was done. The first thing I remember after surgery was how dry my throat was. I felt like I had a mouth full of cotton, there wasn’t a drop of moisture to be found. When the nurse asked me if I wanted a Popsicle, I almost cried. That orange Popsicle was the best tasting I had ever had. I stayed in the post-op holding area for about an hour and then was brought up to my room. One of the best things about having surgery on the day after Christmas was that there weren’t many other surgeries scheduled that day. I was in a room large enough for 4 people but I ended up having the whole room to myself.
I don’t remember a whole lot during the rest of my first day in the hospital. I know that I slept a lot but for the most part, it’s all a blur. My husband and son along with my sister, niece, and nephew came up to visit around 6:00pm. My throat was very sore so my voice was very hoarse. I remember feeling nauseous so I encouraged my visitors to go home so I could rest. I was in a little bit of pain but it was manageable. I requested a heating pad because my shoulder was sore; I was told it was gas pains.
I woke up a few hours later to Larry sleeping in the chair next to my bed. I don’t remember him coming back. I didn’t wake him right away because he looked so peaceful and as crazy as it sounds, I enjoyed watching him sleep. It was around 10:00 when I finally woke Larry up and sent him home. It had been a very long day.
I decided that I was only going to tell a few people that I was having weight loss surgery. It’s not that I was ashamed of having the surgery, it was just the decision I made. For the first time in a very long time I was making this about me. My husband has been my biggest supporter and I am so unbelievably grateful for that. Larry supported the surgery from the moment I told him about it. He went to my appointment with my primary care physician, attended the first seminar, and met Dr. Kastrinakis at my surgery consult. I was very impressed with all of the questions he asked. I also decided to tell my 13 year old son (he was 12 at the time) about my decision. Corey’s reaction was incredible. Honestly for a 12 year old boy, he really surprised me. After explaining the surgery to him, Corey gave me a huge hug and said he was proud of me for doing something that would help make me a healthier person. I was touched by his response and so incredibly grateful that this boy was my child.
On the morning of surgery, I kissed my son and gave him a hug. I didn’t say good-bye because that seemed too final for me. I told him that I would see him later when he came to visit me. Corey wished me luck and told me he loved me. I turned my head quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. Larry and I got into the car and headed on our way. Larry kept the conversation light but, to be honest, I really wasn’t listening. I sat silently staring out at the early morning sky. I was calm, excited, scared, and nervous at the same time. I was afraid that if I talked about how I was feeling with Larry, I would lose it and start crying. A few minutes before we reached the hospital I finally spoke my first words since we had been in the car. I told Larry that I loved him and that I was so lucky to have him in my life. I reminded him of my wishes should something happen to me and told him to make sure Corey knew how much I loved him. I didn’t say another word until we arrived at the surgi-center.
It was fairly busy at the surgi-center considering it was only 6:30 am. While I was waiting to check in, I looked at the other people in the waiting room. I was trying to figure out why they were there and I bet they were wondering the same thing about me. After checking in, Larry and I went to a different sitting area. We were the only two there so we watched T.V and read magazines. Larry wanted to stay at the hospital and wait while I was in surgery. I convinced him to leave once I went in. It didn’t make sense for him to sit and wait when he wouldn’t be able to see me until I went to my room anyway.
The nurse finally came out to get me. This was it, I couldn’t believe it! Larry and I hugged and he gave me a quick kiss before I turned to leave. I refused to say goodbye to him so I told him I would see him later. The O.R holding area was pretty quiet. The nurse gave me a johnnie and showed me where to change. One of the O.R nurses sat on the edge of my bed for a few minutes to watch Ellen with me. It was pretty cool and although this might sound strange, it made me feel important.
The anesthesiologist came in soon after and got me ready for surgery. Dr. K stopped in and asked me if I had any questions and when I couldn’t think of any, I was wheeled into surgery.
Surgery was over before I knew it. I felt like I had just closed my eyes and someone was telling me that I was done. The first thing I remember after surgery was how dry my throat was. I felt like I had a mouth full of cotton, there wasn’t a drop of moisture to be found. When the nurse asked me if I wanted a Popsicle, I almost cried. That orange Popsicle was the best tasting I had ever had. I stayed in the post-op holding area for about an hour and then was brought up to my room. One of the best things about having surgery on the day after Christmas was that there weren’t many other surgeries scheduled that day. I was in a room large enough for 4 people but I ended up having the whole room to myself.
I don’t remember a whole lot during the rest of my first day in the hospital. I know that I slept a lot but for the most part, it’s all a blur. My husband and son along with my sister, niece, and nephew came up to visit around 6:00pm. My throat was very sore so my voice was very hoarse. I remember feeling nauseous so I encouraged my visitors to go home so I could rest. I was in a little bit of pain but it was manageable. I requested a heating pad because my shoulder was sore; I was told it was gas pains.
I woke up a few hours later to Larry sleeping in the chair next to my bed. I don’t remember him coming back. I didn’t wake him right away because he looked so peaceful and as crazy as it sounds, I enjoyed watching him sleep. It was around 10:00 when I finally woke Larry up and sent him home. It had been a very long day.
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